| ::04:24:08::
::: Presidential Candidates - As American Idol Judges :::
McCain as Simon:
My friend, I've heard drunk soldiers in sleazy foreign port karaoke bars sing better than that.
And the way you look with that long hair and baggy pants I wouldn't draft you in a real mans army...you little jerk.
I don't know much about economics, but if we just let the free music entertainment market system run it's course the way it should, little effeminate creeps like you my friend wouldn't make it through the front door. And where's your flag pin?
Hillary as Paula:
I just don't know what happened. The last time we heard you, you had more...I don't know...experience?
But tonight, you had us all wanting to run and duck for cover. I just can't express experience enough here.
You know...we can't all choose our families, but we can sure darn well choose our singers. And, imagine, if the phone rings at 3 in the morning and you pick it up and you hear what you just sang? How could anyone vote for you after that? I love you, I really do...your body, your hair, your pelvis, mmmm...scuse me while I take a sip of my coke...slllrrrp....but I have to do what's Wright here tonight. No matter what screw up Bill thinks and even though Chelsea has the hots for you, I gotta vote republican..er uh...I mean with Simon here.
Obama as Randy:
Dog....I love you man...I really do...but what we need tonight dog is CHANGE! Fans are clamoring for change.
I can't tell you exactly what the change should be, but somehow you got to change Dog.
Now this right wing nut case and special interest, bought off, back stabbin' opportunist sittin' next to me are dissin' you Dog and voted you out...but I'm gonna give you another chance. Why? Cause Dog, man...I just can't say "you're on your own" like these republican er uh other judges can. Times is too rough out there man to just be told "you're on your own."
Now, we can make this change happen Dog. You and me! If you join me and look for change it can happen Dog. But we gotta win that TV vote man. We are gonna win that vote . All you out there in TV land, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Carolina ... come on brothers and sisters; join me and my brother here and Oprah and vote for change.
Written by: ~ Joe Bauer |
