| ::04:30:08::
::: Ben Gay Day At The Kentucky Derby :::
Last year I took my psych meds and lathered my pain racked body in Ben-Gay and went to our local satellite racing facility here in California.
The place was incredibly packed (standing room only) and stifling hot and stuffy.
I had arrived several races before the Derby and with each successive preliminary race I was down more and more of my designated betting funds (losing my shirt actually) and sweating the losses pretty good.
I was also becoming aware that in this packed and oppressively hot betting center there was always a strange and noticeable gap between me and the bettors in line behind me. When I finally looked around I could see that these standing back bettors were holding their hands over their noses and mouths and their eyes were rolled back in their heads.
It began to occur to me that maybe my entire container application of Ben Gay might have been the cause of this ... distancing.
By Derby time my Ben Gay body odor had so permeated this ill-ventilated room people were gagging and pleading for relief and some were even running for the doors and windows with gritted teeth.
As bad as I felt for these gas chamber suffering bettors I had lost 80% of my original $58.47 and I wasn't budging from my last chance to recoup on the Derby.
The run for the roses thus began with " Their Off!" and so did the cheers and horse-prodding screams, surreally mixed with tortured moans and cries for air.
My own maniacal yells more and more turned into vicious cursing because my horses had dropped back to the end of the field.
I was so upset I was flipping the large TV monitor nearest me the bird as animatedly as I could as the race ended. But it was over. I was finished ...and broke.
Most of the crowd (like me) then shuffled out with their feeling-like-a-fool loser heads down and their empty wallet tails between their legs.
Some small crowds had gathered to the side and were motioning up to the fresh air sky in thankful prayer.
Ahh, but a new 2008 Kentucky Derby Day awaits.
I will be there, but I expect a "Ben Gay Guy" security watch to be in effect this year so I'm thinking maybe I'll wear my scuba diving rubber suit this time to keep this noxious medical ointment body odor somewhat contained.
Written by: ~ Joe Bauer |
