::12:08:08::

::: Playing Nurse :::

By ~ MacKinzey

I’ve been playing Nurse/Rehabilitator/Owner to a 6-month rescue puppy for about 2 or 3 weeks now and have just now been able to get a grip. She’s a Pit/Retriever mix with the most beautiful coat and golden eyes I’ve ever seen. She seems to have a great temperament and is a puppy in every meaning of the word. She has no idea she’s “sick” with an enlarged heart, grade 6 heart murmur, a potbelly full of abdominal fluid, and a so-called rare heart defect. She’s my little inspiration, always ready to play when I want to cry. So I keep going, keep loving the little puppy, finally relaxing so both I and her can truly enjoy what she loves doing most: being a puppy. The first vet I took her to wanted me to give up on her, euthanize her because she “wasn’t going to live long or get better”, but I didn’t. I instead took her to a second vet who examined her and gave me needed answers so I could make her “better” (comfortable). Lots of money was spent on running tests, x-rays and vaccines just so I could give this dog the life I think she deserves. Not one moment do I regret my decision for keeping her and taking her into my home. Had I not, who knows what would have happened to her? I was told she has a heart defect that will eventually lead to heart failure- making my puppy not the best candidate for adoption. I’d say most likely they would have euthanized her because of her ailments.

So now I’ve got this puppy and a mini series of medicines I have to administer to her daily for the rest of her life or until the vets tell me otherwise. The goal of this medicine is to keep the fluid out of her abdomen and reduce the stress on her heart. She’s on two diuretics and two herbal supplements to aid in making sure that nothing else shuts down while trying to control the main and serious condition she already has. Once I got over the initial devastation and stress of my dog not being normal and focused on my roll in making her comfortable and happy, giving her the medicine was easy. Explaining my logic to others was not as easy. Have you ever felt like it was you against the world? That nobody knows the almost daily battle you go through wishing that your dog was “normal” and that she didn’t need these medicines but knowing deep down inside that these medicines are one of the reasons she’s able to enjoy living?

But what happens when someone says “what if the medicines you are giving her kill her?” How do you respond to that? How does that not shake you to your foundation after it took LOTS of money, days of crying, numerous phone calls to family, and sleepless nights before you could even BEGIN to get over the possibility of the idea that your new puppy may not be as long as you thought? It’s like taking 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. I don’t want to go to that place of feeling miserable again. I don’t want to go back to worrying to the point where I can’t function again. Just thinking about it causes me stress and this is why I feel like I’m in it alone. That only I know what’s going on in her body and how to try to keep it at bey. Because I have yet to run into someone that understands what I’m going through, it’s hard for me to trust anyone to take care of her as well as I can. All I know is that I don’t want her to get worse. I researched an analyzed for hours every day ways that I could make her better, make her more comfortable, understand what she’s going through, what this medicine is going to do for her, how to give her a normal life as possible. I’m not a Doctor so I’m not comfortable just taking her off medicines that have been asked to administer to my dog because I think she may not need them anymore. No doubt about it, she looks much better than she did, she’s able to play comfortably now instead of walking around with a belly the size of a watermelon with the body of a skeleton. It’s visible she’s better and happy and while I did have support from friends and family, I was the one with her looking at the X-ray of her internal organs that “didn’t look normal”, dropping her off for an ultra-sound, buying her medicines, giving her medicines, sitting with her when she was nothing but lethargic, watching her want to keep up with the other dogs but having to sit down to catch her breath and coughing after a few minutes.

I’m not a fool as I know that medicines are essentially designed to mask symptoms and prolong the inevitable, especially in the cases where there is no cure. I also believe in the power of hope and love. I make a point to give her more love than I do medicine and will continue to do so until this concoction I have created no longer allows to stay on earth with me. Now, I’ve been blessed to not have to deal with death in my immediate family so this current journey I’m on is very new to me. I’ve been able to no view her as a dog with a heart condition but as a puppy that loves live, and shows no signs of slowing down regardless of what others might say.

I’m not writing this to embellish my “good” deed or to point fingers at any individual that may also believe that medicine is not the way to go. My goal is to tell my story in part, what I’ve experienced on this journey and how I feel about the happenings that have resulted in the decisions I made in regards to a canine life. I am thankful everyday that I have a great dog that continues to live life to the fullest regardless and loves me unconditionally regardless of what the diagnosis says. As weird as it sounds, I wish I embodied the spirit this little 6-month puppy demonstrates on a daily basis. Living in the moment, not worrying about what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow, but living for today. I heard this on a movie once and think that for know, this is the motto I must truly live by, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present”.