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::: That One Colleague :::

By ~ MacKinzey

You ever have that one co-worker that you are always on the verge of either slapping or shaking the crap out of? Heck I must attract them because I’ve had at least one at all my the jobs I’ve had. I’ve had the anorexic, manic depressive that needs to be the center of attention co-worker, the always on the very of a mental breakdown or massive heart attack co-worker, the “I smell like I made out with a fish monger in my gym locker” co-worker but this new breed of co-worker seems to have emerged. The “ I’ll do anything I can to not work” co-worker. I will say to work with this guy is somewhere between entertaining and annoying all in one. Can’t do one of our job functions correctly to save his life but he’ll be quick to make a dang pumpkin loaf or ginger snaps. Let me tell you, those dang ginger snaps were hard enough to break a freaking window and the pumpkin loaf tasted like pureed carrots with the texture of flan shaped into the form of a turd log. He spends all day surfing the net, does a little work but somehow has the time to come up with “great ideas” like a BAKE OFF?! Are you serious? What is this, high school? Are we raising money? No. Are we donating the funds to a charity? No. Does anyone want to bake? No. But we had the Bake off that was more like a “bring in your favorite thing to eat so the whole department can eat it” function. Oh and let’s not mention Christmas. The poor fellow worked two weeks to schedule a meeting with our team so we could talk about how we were going to string Christmas lights in each one of our cubicles. Ironic thing about it is that another co-worker and I started getting crazy and decorated our teammates cube in such a way that our team got the “Best Teamwork Award”?! The most recent thing is the freaking team breakfasts that no one wants to do. I kid you not, 13 freaking emails went out about how to re-vamp our breakfast schedule and I swear Mr. Betty Crocker almost has a seizure in the middle of the room when we decided to change our breakfasts from weekly to once a month. It’s so annoying that he can spend all day studying the art of paper mache but can’t find the time to remember how to correctly execute our daily job functions. How do folks like him get jobs in places like this? I mean you can’t get through the day without working in our position, at least not now. Somehow he manages to do nothing all day and still leave an HOUR earlier than he should. Man must be rough to get paid for doing absolutely nothing but dream of how to perfect your Cranberry Crumble Muffin recipe and if you should serve your freshly squeezed orange juice over cubed or crushed ice. Hell, I need his job.